A week ago I turned 40, completed my dream home (Casa Kaiyō), and welcomed a new chapter in my life after an epic decade. In the weeks leading up to this milestone moment, I reflected on what it means to grow older, the expectations of what one “should” do by this time, and the labels we choose to put on ourselves and others.
On getting older:
I’ve noticed that aging is often seen as something to avoid or hide. God forbid we show signs of the passing of time with laugh wrinkles, grey hair or slowing down our ambition…companies make millions off our fear of aging! But the real takeaway from reflecting on our avoidance of aging and obsession with youth… at the root of it all, is a rejection of self. A deep fear that we will be rejected or cast aside if we wander too far off the path of “youthfulness”. The remedy of this fear isn’t to endlessly chase, consume and hide the fact we are naturally growing older…but to deepen our love and compassion for ourselves. With every grey hair and wrinkle, it’s been fun to embrace these tokens of a life well lived. To remember all the adventures, waves and belly laughs I’ve experienced.
🤍This practice has given me peace and grace.
On society’s expectations:
By “normal” standards, I’ve lived a very non-conventional life. Leaving behind a 6-figure career to work on a yacht, building and selling a few companies, starting a coaching and retreat business, running my businesses remotely for nearly a decade….here I am, a single woman in her 40s, without kids, traveling the world, building a house in a foreign country from scratch, surfing daily, having absolute freedom of time and choice, creating new opportunities and finding time for play…this certainly doesn’t feel like the 40s I’ve been taught to fear. I used to feel shame for not wanting what everyone else wanted. To choose a life that is off the beaten path isn’t always easy, and I’ve heard a lot of doubt from naysayers through the years: “You’ll be back in NY, this is just a phase. Starting a company is hard, it might fail. Building a house by yourself? That will be impossible. Oh a single woman like you traveling…could be dangerous. You need to settle down and start a family at some point…you don’t want to regret not having kids.” On reflection, when I was younger I was driven by the desire to “prove them wrong”, but my journey has brought me to a place where I live according to my own alignment. To keep my eyes and heart firmly on my own path. I’m deeply happy for others who have found a more conventional path satisfying, but for me..I can choose to design a life that’s purely mine. It doesn’t HAVE to make sense to anyone but me.
🤍This practice has given me clarity and ease.⠀
On labels:
I get why labels are used…it’s easy, it’s efficient, and we can quickly file people into boxes and move on with our lives. As a coach, I often hear from clients …”but how am I supposed to describe what I do, who I am, what do I say when I introduce myself when I am figuring out my next step?” It got me thinking about how we assign labels for ourself and others as a way to define and contain what is actually uncontainable and expansive – our true self. We are so much more than our labels, but somehow we can’t help but limit “who we are” by the labels we can attach to ourselves. No wonder our world flips upside down when that label no longer sticks…who are we then? Over the years I’ve worn many labels – “marketer, nomad, entrepreneur, coach, daughter, friend, girlfriend, expat…” but I realized none of them accurately described WHO I was in its entirety. Sure, some labels served a purpose…a label that matched a need for other people. But who was I without my labels? Who are we all without our labels? The answer through years of exploration and gently peeling off the layers of me….the answer is simple – LOVE. That is the only label that truly matters. Recently I lost another family member, and it once again reminded me that the labels we carry truly do not matter in the end. The real question we should ask ourselves is… did you love, were you loved, and how did you spread more love during your short time on this earth?
🤍 This practice has given me self-acceptance and love.
I know the next decade of my life I will continue on the path of scaling love…armed with a sense of peace, grace, clarity, ease, and acceptance. Will you join me on the journey? I hope reading my reflections allow you to reflect on your own path back to love.
Thanks for being on the ride with me
