“Perfection is a myth, we’re going for good enough!” A friend and mentor once shouted at me when I was running around having a mini-meltdown trying to make everything perfect. As soon as he said those words, I started to laugh and cry simultaneously in relief. This was the first time I was given permission to be less than perfect. Since that day, I started my journey from perfectionism to acceptance.

I first had to ask myself, where did this need for perfection come from? Unsurprisingly, my childhood sense of self-worth was deeply linked to the level of accomplishments and the praise I received as a result. When I was a competitive ice skater, my mom used to tell me “2^nd place was the first loser” and it didn’t count unless I was 1^st. I distinctly remember her throwing away my 2^nd place medal, and I felt like a complete failure and told myself I was absolutely worthless. I endured grueling sessions, ignored all pain despite internal bleeding, and desperately attempted to train the imperfections out of me. It’s no shock that I interpreted that I was only “worthy of love” if I achieved excellence. Not “almost there”, not “good enough”….only perfection was acceptable. It wasn’t healthy.

Unfortunately, this childhood belief grew inside of me most of my life. It didn’t matter that I won numerous awards, became a top athlete, had perfect GPA, went to a top university, dated the “right” guys, made 6-figures, build a company, lived around the world…it always felt “never enough”. When people expected me to be happy about my success, I felt numb inside. How could this be success? I didn’t have this or that, and not as successful as so and so. It was a losing battle, where the only casualty was my confidence.

Over the years, I’ve struggled with accepting my imperfections but eventually, I’ve come to realize that I am more than just a sum of my accomplishments. Perfectionism was a trap of my own making, and only I could release myself. Through years of self-reflection, therapy, compassion, and patience, I’ve learned to be kinder to myself. If you also struggle with perfectionism, I want to share these 5 lessons I wish someone had told me:

1. Perfection is not a requirement for acceptance

Love and acceptance are not “earned” through perfection. You have to realize that as long as you’re trying your best, the people who truly matter will recognize your intention, not the “perfection”. Give yourself permission to be “good enough”, because you are always enough.

2. Perfectionism comes from a place of fear

Nobody likes feeling judged or rejected. Unfortunately, our society (and the entire advertising industry) is manipulating this fear inside of you. You’re not pretty, smart, rich, or successful enough…you have to be perfect or else! This is a misplaced fear deeply ingrained in us, but it is not the truth. The key to overcoming perfectionism is to identify and clear away all external noise and validations, and truly appreciate your own self-worth that connects to your inner values. Your truth is binary: you’re living in alignment or you’re not. It has nothing to do with external visions of “perfection.”

3. Perfection is an impossible goal because it doesn’t really exist

Life is messy, chaotic, and uncontrollable. If reading that gave you anxiety, you’re not alone. However, the need to control and perfect is something quite “unnatural”. Let me explain. In nature, you’ll notice that nothing is perfect yet completely beautiful. Do you think the ocean stresses out that the waves aren’t perfectly formed? Do you think the flower is self-conscious that it has an uneven number of pedals? Absolutely not. Why chase something that doesn’t exist?

4. Perfectionism hurts you the most

Sure, perfectionism played a role in your life (it got you here thus far!), but it’s no longer serving you. This drive for unattainable perfection is hurting you. You are your own worst enemy. Think about your self-talk. Does it sound cruel, relentless, unforgiving? Now ask yourself if that’s the way you would talk to your best friend. If the answer is no, then it’s time to practice some self-compassion. Be your own best friend. Support, love, and encourage yourself…starting now!

5. Chasing perfection is isolating

In trying to uphold an impossible standard of perfection, you end up isolating yourself. How? Being seen as perfect and flawless might make you feel better (temporarily), but you could end up alienating others because you’re not relatable. In trying to hide your vulnerabilities, and only showcasing your perfections, people don’t feel connected to you. Ironically, you’re actually pushing genuine connection away in your fear-based pursuit of perfection. Embrace vulnerability and imperfection. After all, we are all in this together….each fighting our own battles and trying our best. Remember we are all human. Beautiful, flawed, and perfectly imperfect. Embrace it!