Recently a Clarify Your Path cohort member asked me how best to connect with others through listening. I love that she asked me this, because as someone who values deep human connection, one of the best ways to strengthen our connection with the people around us is through COMPASSIONATE LISTENING. Compassionate listening is a skill that will serve not only your immediate friends/family, but even with people who you may not always agree with. If there’s one thing that the world needs more of, it’s compassion and connection. But the macro shift first starts on a micro level…with US as individuals!

Here are 7 ways to practice compassionate listening in your own life, I hope it will create new connections:

• 99% of the time, people just want to be heard. If someone is sharing a story or experience with you, listen with the purpose of LISTENING and UNDERSTANDING them, not to provide a judgement or solution.
• Acknowledge how they are currently feeling. “That must feel ___.” AND then ask a follow-up question to encourage a deeper conversation. “Tell me more…What else are you experiencing? Etc.”
• Resist the temptation to interrupt or center yourself when they’re speaking. I understand you’re trying to relate to the other person, but interrupting and making it about yourself takes away from the opportunity to connect with the speaker. If you do speak, focus on asking them questions to understand their emotions or situation better.
• Remember that we all have different experiences that have led to certain thoughts/opinions. Nobody is 100% right nor 100% wrong, and everyone has something to teach us. Listen to learn something new about yourself and others.
• Wait until they specifically ask for your opinion (“What should I do? What is your opinion, etc”) before offering up unsolicited advice.
• If they are seeking help, show up with the energy of service vs advice. Asking “how can I help? What can I do to support you?” is a compassionate response that allows them to ask you for specific help rather than assuming you know what they want/need
• Repeat back/summarize what they said to either clarify what they are saying and also to practice truly listening – if you’re not actually listening, this will be a challenge for you and an invitation to strengthen this muscle.

Additionally, here are some self-reflective questions I ask myself for any conversation:

• What are they wanting to express?
• Am I allowing them to express the above emotion?
• Is what I share with them going to serve them vs my own agenda?
• How can I create a safe/judgement free zone for them to share?
• Did I spend more time listening than talking?
• Are the follow-up questions leading to deeper understanding and connection with them?

Hope this is a good starting point, I’d love to hear from you, how do you encourage deeper connection during conversations?